Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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