Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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