I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
