You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
