Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
