I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
