We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
