she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
