I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want nice things and good sex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
