whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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