Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
