it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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