I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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