I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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