Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
