can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
