You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
