mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
