It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
