My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
