Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
