He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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