why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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