i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
