Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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