I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
