so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
