I want you more than these girls want KFC
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
