Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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