I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
