I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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