My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
