I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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