Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
