Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
