What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
