I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
