my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think my mom watched the whole time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
