She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
