Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
