bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
