go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
