Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
