i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
