I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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