I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
