Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
