He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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