she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
