you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
