Will you blow on my dice?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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