Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
