I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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